Dear Prabhus and Maharajas,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
This last week in the LA airport it had been really tough for me. For some reason the rest of the sankirtana team was doing well, but I was really struggling. Every day kept getting more and more difficult until Saturday came. On Saturday nobody would even talk to me. I was getting very frustrated and felt miserable. I was having the poignant realization of how I completely lack qualification to even attempt to engage in Sri Krishna's service. I felt like I wanted to die because this body is useless for service, but I knew I would go to the lower planets to suffer more if I left my body. Feeling like a riven cloud, I asked Krishna to have mercy on me. The next person I saw I approached and he actually took interest! I showed him the Bhagavad-gita and asked for a donation. He asked if he could have the books and I told him, "Of course!" I was so excited he was even talking to me, I would have given him the books for free. He puled something out of his wallet and handed it to me. Without looking I put it right in my pocket. I was so happy that I also gave him the Quest for Enlightenment and the Sri Isopanisad and an invitation card to the temple.
After I was some distance away, I wondered what he gave me. I pulled the note out of my pocket and it was a $20 bill, but there was something inside. I unfolded the bill to see another $20. I could tell there was still one more bill there so I took a look to see one more $20! Krishna is so kind. Krishna is our best well wisher. The next person I saw I approached and they eagerly took a book and gave $20. The next person did the same. I was in Vaikintha. The rest of the day I basically looked for people to give the books to and everyone gave a nice donation until I ran out of books. The next day I realized why this all happened. Siddhanta Prabhu was reading from his memories book during the breakfast when he read a story from Bhakta dasa. At the time he was a temple president and he was noticing that he was having a hard time remembering Krishna throughout his service. He went to travel somewhere and he noticed that he was able to remember Krishna better while traveling. So, he wrote Srila Prabhupada asking if it was better to do more service for Krishna and remember Him less, or to do less service for Krishna and remember Him more. Srila Prabhupada replied that it is our mission to remember Krishna as much as possible. But, he should not quit being temple president. Rather, he should realize that he has no qualification to be president and to beg Krishna to give him the qualification to properly execute his service. In that way he would remember Krishna at all times.
I realized then that I was not thinking of Krishna enough this past week and that is why it was so difficult. As soon as I started turning to Krishna, then Krishna reciprocated wonderfully. After hearing that story from Siddhanta, I meditated on those instructions during sankirtana and it was a blissful day. We must always remember Krishna and never forget Him. After all, this is the *Krishna consciousness* movement!
Your aspiring Servant,