Who’s in control? (Bh Gary – South Africa)
Hare Krsna. Please accept my humble obeiscances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada and his Sincere servants.
Krsna is in control and he can do what he likes. Book distribution is a very effective way to realize this. A little while ago a few devotees and myself went to the airport for sankirtan. Somehow or the other that day was just not going my way. I got caught up in organizing all sorts of things in the morning after an extremely late night and late feast so i was really tired and by the time we reached our destination I needed to take rest and I still had 12 rounds to chant. After resting and chanting my rounds my mind was a little calm so I took a little time to read and take some prasadam. By the time I got out of the car it was almost 3:00p.m.- I felt terrible – How can I go out on books so late? such a space case! When am i going to get it together? How am I supposed to distribute books like this? What would Srila Prabhupada think of me? Lazy and Crazy!
I swallowed my guilt and forgot about how late it was and in the next 3 hours I found myself going from one person to the next, having such a good time. Almost every person stopped, took a book or two and showed a lot of interest at the very least. 'How is this possible?' I thought "it can only be mercy! Krsna is so kind.'
A few days later I came back to the same spot. This time my rounds were finished, I had even chanted a few extra, and i was ready to go. I was thinking 'Today is gonna be good!' but to my surprise i was struggling from person to person. Somehow nobody was interested, even to just stop and listen I struggled and struggled and evntually I was smashed. I felt like an ant. 'How did this happen?' I thought 'What's the problem with me today?' I started to think that maybe it's better that I take it a bit easier, take some rest, relax, take enough Prasadam. But will this empower me to distibute more books?
I remembered the verse in the Bhagavad Gita where Krsna mentions that 'The spirit soul bewildered by the influence of the false ego thinks himself the doer of activities that are in actuality carried out by the three modes of material nature' and this material nature, which is one of my energies is working under My direction. I felt a great relief knowing that Krsna is in control. It is not my efforts alone which will ensure any kind of successbut rather it is by Krsna's mercy that anything happens at all.
With this in mind I carried on blissfully- not many people stopped but I felt so happy just trying to distribute these books. I feel that I have such a long way to go before I can reach the stage where I serve the Lord unconditionally- but at least Krsna put's me in situations like this where I can realize that he is in perfect control- All i have to do is be happy in his service.
Yours in the service of Srila Prabhupada,
Bhakta Gary South Africa
